6. I switched to a new bookclub and am trying to be a more active participant. I’m finally making more closer friends at RBF like Nathan and Andrea, Cindy, and Christine. We watch movies and hung out at Nathan and Andrea’s. I watch Rockets games with Cindy. C, C, and i are in the same bookclub, so that relationship can further grow.

The 2014 New Year is coming up soon (2 1/2 hours). Pretty sure we’re gonna have some fun moving and buying new stuff for the house, hosting people at the house, see if we’ll rent out rooms. Anson will battle himself to find time to sleep, I’ll also have to find another job, and I’m hoping that we’ll finally visit Oregon even though we won’t be living there for the short/long run. Excited for what 2014 will bring!

For my bookclub, we are getting to know one another. This is what I wrote:

I was born and raised in SFV. I lived in the same house for 26 years except when there was the Northridge earthquake in 1994 where we were temporarily located to another house to repair the current one. I am an only child.

My parents had me when they were older and I was a happy surprise =) They met each other, dated, and married within 2-3 months, and then moved from Hong Kong to California right after. My mom was a computer operator and my dad was a printer specialist.  Both my parents are retired (they’re in their 70s), but they are very active in their church. My mom is their unofficial photographer. She records weddings, church events, funerals, etc. My dad makes dvd covers, and they distribute them all around the church. They consider this their ministry and try to serve the church in this capacity. I saw them for thanksgiving, and I am really learning to appreciate them and to not take for granted their love for me. Since I don’t live with them anymore and I don’t see them that often now, I now cherished the times more when I’m with them, and make an effort to do the things I didn’t do well for them like washing the dishes when I’m told, being patient when explaining things to my mom. My mom has been battling heart problems. Her heart was beating very rapidly during thanksgiving weekend, and they almost went to the ER. I’m sometimes worried about what will happen if one passes away and how we would take care of them.

Experiences that shaped you: I use to be very outgoing when I was younger. I would be the leader of the group and I’d blow out other people’s candles on their birthday cakes, but my parents said that after I messed up during a piano recital in front of a couple thousand people, I started being very closed off. I didn’t know how to deal with the failure. I quit piano. I became more quiet. I was afraid of rejection. Whenever my dad was playing the piano, I would go off and close the door of my room. My mom said that she should have used it as a teaching lesson and felt like she failed in parenting in that way, but i think that this experience has shaped me for better or for worse to be more sensitive to those who don’t always feel like they fit in.

I don’t have a defining moment of when I became a Christian. I was raised in a Christian household and I feel like I went to a couple different church retreats in which I asked Jesus in to my heart just to make sure if the last one didn’t take. My spiritual walk has it’s ups and downs. I have times in which I can gleam so much from God’s word and I know that He wanted me to read a certain passage at that time. There are also times when I feel kind of distant toward God. I feel that I’m right now so preoccupied with my work, with the husband, with wasting time, that reading God’s word is not always the priority in my life. I feel guilty and should rightfully so. I need to repent and honestly be more heavenly minded and not let the worries and cares of this world seem bigger than God. I know that God will forgive me, and for me to not despair in my current circumstances, that God doesn’t give me more than I can handle. Please pray for me and for Anson and for us to always strengthen our relationship with Christ and love him above all else.

Back to more about me: I went to RBS for elementary school, then PMS (hehe), THS, and then CSUN for college, majoring in Business Administration with the option of Finance. I worked for four years as a Corporate Accounting Assistant for National Technical System in LA. During that time, I was in a long distance relationship with Anson. We started dating the last year of college, and were long distance for four years. On our five year anniversary, he proposed at Catalina island halfway up a mountain cuz i couldn’t get all the way up and it was getting dark, so he had to do it before the last ferry off the island would leave. He handwrote a book with 100 things that he liked about me and on the last page, it asked if I would marry him. there were two boxes i could check: yes or of course. We got married April last year. I worked as a loan processor for one year, and couldn’t really handle it, so I now have a contract job as a AP/Payroll Coordinator for a nursing facility. Contract ends in March, but I’m thankful for the foot back in the door to do accounting again.

Things about me: I like to cook, sing in choirs, lazy with playing instruments, watch movies, tv shows, dramas, mindless entertainment. I like Joss Whedon tv shows and James Cameron movies. I love listening to commentary to learn the BTS of movies (for example: Leonardo DiCaprio in that scene where he had to draw Kate Winslet in Titanic? That was actually a shot of James Cameron’s hand, but Jim is left handed, so they had to have her pose reversed and had to flip the camera to make it look like he was drawing with his right hand since leo was right handed….so cool!), I root for the Houston Rockets…too bad Jeremy Lin’s out for two weeks. I like going out to eat, but usually don’t care for expensive restaurants..I like getting stuffed at buffets with Anson. My favorite food is sushi. my new favorite dessert is shaved snow, although chocolate silk pie with an oreo crust is catching up. I love travelling and visiting new places, but Anson hates it. Fun facts about me: I like the smell of fertiliser more than flowers. I have a weird ability to always notice when someone is left-handed (like in movies or just by watching people…that’s the first thing I notice about someone). Bad habit: I like fast food, sometimes I can’t stop the craving and I’d just make a quick trip to MacDonald’s even though I’m at home with healthy food on the shelf. The end =)

so, three months have past…what have i been doing? here are the highlights:

september: i went down to LA for two weeks. it was initially suppose to just be for a weekend, but since i didn’t have to work, i extended it. my parents wanted me to plan a vacation. i had all these big plans of going to san diego and using a 3 park pass, but it seemed like too much walking, and we decided to do the easiest thing that we enjoy…another cruise! booked a last minute cruise on carnival to catalina and ensenada. some cool things we did were 1) renting a golf cart at catalina and exploring the area with very photogenic views. driving a golf cart is not that  hard, but the break felt hard to use and i needed to step on it pretty hard for it to just slow down. 2) in ensenada, we used a bus to get to the tourist-y part of downtown and we bought 2 plates that painted beautifully by a mother and son. we were able to have our names and the date painted on to it as a nice memoir. 3) as always, the food is always great on a cruise: snails, soups, lobster tail…can’t complain =)

october: i found a job…yeah, i know, that was pretty quick. it’s only a contract job up to march and the environment is a little depressing, but i’m still very thankful for God’s provision. the contract is from beginning of december to march to fill in for someone on maternity leave. i am doing payroll and accounts payable. i’ve never done payroll before, so this has definitely been an eye opener. i’m working at Cupertino Healthcare and Wellness Center. it is a nursing facility. i have to go to a meeting every morning at 9am. i do payroll for 200 employees, and the hours are so weird. there are AM, PM, and night shifts. i’m also doing accounts payable on dynamics (glad i had the experience at NTS). i was only training during this time 2 days a week, and it was definitely not enough time since there is so much to learn…glad that in november, i started full time training…

november: jenifer actually had to leave a week  sooner since her due date was pushed earlier and i started fulltime this week (thanksgiving week). i feel pretty overwhelmed with just the amount of work that is required of this position, and the company also does not allow for overtime which gives me more pressure. no matter though, i’m glad that i have to jump into the deep end and learn how to problem solve and learn more so that it can benefit me for the future. this month, i also switched bookclubs from deb’s to janette’s. i feel pretty comfortable with cindy and christine there and i think it’ll help me grow more with fellowship =) we’ve also been hanging out a couple times with nathan and andrea. i think we’re feeling more comfortable with some people at church. today is the day after thanksgiving. we drove down yesterday and 5:30am and got to my parents’ place at 10:30am. we’ll be doing the same thing on sunday since i have to work that day (payroll is monday, and i need the time to get it done).

it’s the holiday season. so much to be thankful for. we had a pre-thankgiving dinner with rbf on tuesday. we had a potluck which i made green beans and edemame…they were good veggie hits! we had worship interspersed with sharing of thanksgiving. it was a good reminder of God’s faithfulness and all the things He gives to us are good: the blessings and the trials. work is my trial right now, and i thank God for giving it to me. thank you for giving me a family that loves me, for my loving husband, for friends, for the roof over my head, for our apartment, for our cars, clothing, etc. Happy Thanksgiving, and soon to be Merry Chrstimas!

so, i am officially unemployed now. back story? the short version is that i had a nervous breakdown and had to quit last week. here comes the long version:

work has been going through a lot of changes. i was first hired as a junior loan processor and i assisted flora for about 6 months. one day in december, they told me that i was going to start processing loans by myself the week after. we had a mentor who was busy a lot of the times but was still very helpful. afterward, she had to go to china and we were left on our own to do the loans. this was when we started to full on change to the new system of software and the higher ups gave me more work as a nondelegated underwriter. they then wanted to put another person over us and change the way we do loans while learning everything new on this new system that i’m still not familiar with…and so…i kind of crashed…

i took time off, but it still didn’t help. i wasn’t able to sleep or eat and i would wake up sobbing uncontrollably. i wasn’t able to move my neck, and more importantly, i wasn’t able to more forward with the loans even though i knew that they were time sensitive…i don’t know if i’m able to handle so many changes. i can see all that i have done wrong and am scared if i will regret this…if i had more knowledge as a processor, i might not be as scared about the new system. if i was smarter, and i was able to retain the information instead of it floating away…if i was more personable and could handle the pressure from all the different sides (the underwriters, bosses, agents, borrowers)…right now, i do feel a little depressed since this seems like i failed in this area and i’m comparing myself to my coworkers, to my peers, etc. i didn’t want to blog because this is probably exactly the kind of entry i need to remember since it is so painful.

right now, i think i need to make sure that what i’m doing with my time will count. i probably have learned the hard way that i don’t want to have a career as a loan processor. the four years that i had at NTS was a time of stability and a time that i did enjoy. i think that i need to make use of the time that i have now to serve God, serve Anson, serve my family, friends, and church, and study to get back into accounting. yes, i’m fearful and it’s hard for me to let go and let God control my life. he will give me a job or show me my direction in His time. i hope that i can rely on Him and use this time well, to glorify Him in whatever i do.

the rate has been high, so not as many loans, but that is good so that we can learn how to use the new system (Encompass). lisa xu, my mentor, is in china probably for the rest of august for family reasons. i am still doing a little bit of processing.

shawn and rebecca have given me new duties as a “nondelegated underwriter”. what does that mean? whatever loans we don’t underwrite in house, i will send to the lender by submitting the documents. i will also redisclose the Good Faith Estimate and Truth-in-Lending whenever there is a change in loan amount, rate, terms, and when locked for all loans through Encompass. i just learned how to redisclose yesterday with shawn and co. I’ve submitted a few loans through Encompass, which can be a very time consuming process.

the subject of work has kind of been on my mind for a while since there have been so many things pointing to it. we’ve been going through a sunday school series concerning God and work. it has been helpful to put in to perspective how work should effect us and what we’re ultimately working for. for me, i should not be idle at work, and for anson, he should not make work an idol.

also, in our bookclub book “respectable sins”, and we’re going through the topic of anger. the weeds of anger are resentment and bitterness. encompass has been…challenging. the processors hate it. the loan agents hate it. it’s so time consuming and everybody doesn’t like when we have to learn something new especially when management doesn’t really know how to use it either. i think i was bitter and had some resentment toward it too, but going through this book has challenged me to not let the weeds of anger enrapture me. the company must use this system if we are to go into underwriting, so learn, or be left behind. the past was before. we need to change with the company in order to be a good employee and respectful of those who are put in authority over us.

so we have tried twice to buy a house: once in february during the same weekend we were in the bahamas…let’s not do that again, and the 2nd time last week. both were in santa clara. and both final prices were $100k or over the listing price. it’s such a seller’s market right now. people are bidding so much for homes and not even asking for contingencies on the contract. we bid $713k for a $629k listed house, and it sold for $751k! there were 16 offers, 6 of which were higher than our offer.

yesterday (sunday), i was bored so i made a spreadsheet of our estimated financial situation if we worked for about 20 years more to see if we could retire at age 50. from my calculations and conservative estimates of only 1% interest on our monetary assets, 2/3rds social security kicking in at age 67, inheritance from parents, expenses with 3% inflation, we’d have a comfortable life style for 35+ years. however, this doesn’t include some big expenses that we’d probably have to have in the future (i.e. cars, house, etc). i think that if we lived in oregon, the house thing won’t be much of a big deal, but living in the bay area would definitely make it harder. i also don’t know how it will be if our health deteriorates, and that is more likely to happen with old age. we’d still probably work a little after age 50, but i don’t think that i’d need to do full time work.

i don’t want our lives to be just about work (which right now, it usually is the primary focus). i like the european way in which your work doesn’t define who you are…or at least you aren’t working just for someone else’s benefit (corporation). if you know about computer stuff, make your own site! if you’re good at writing, write something that you’re proud of. it doesn’t have to be sold somewhere, but it helps enrich you. i want to keep learning despite my inner sins of laziness. i want to take a photography class and take nice pictures. i want to travel. i want to make my blog into a book…grammar mistakes and all! i want to enjoy all the things that God has to offer in this life.

 this summer, we’ll probably not travel as much (err…we did go to sacramento with my parents for my bday), but things are still getting filled up. last week, we went up to san mateo to go hiking and to celebrate anson’s bday at espetus ($100 gift card that we finally spent from justin and vicky). on saturday, we hung out with nathan and andrea, yesterday, we had a church clean up day. this month is filled with 2 yelp events, church picnic, and helping some church friends move. there will be an all church retreat in august. I’m going down solo to LA in september, and both anson and i will be going down for the holidays in november and christmas.